Amy Bradley Radford (00:02.574)
Welcome to the Massage Business Success podcast. My name is Amy Bradley Radford and I help solopreneurs just like you learn how to do it all.
I teach you how to earn $60,000 a year or more at the table while also providing you with the continuing education you need to be successful without burning yourself out. I'm a board certified massage therapist and have been practicing massage therapy for over 30 years and I'm a nationally approved continuing education provider for over 20 years. I have my monthly business column in Massage Magazine called Advanced
business strategy for many years where I was able to share all kinds of tips about how to have a successful business with business owners just like you. I have also developed the pain patterns and solutions modality where we learn how to apply non-inflammatory therapeutic massage techniques to create real pain relief that lasts. Now, if you're ready to help your clients and make money at the same time, let's dive in.
Amy Bradley Radford (01:15.99)
my gosh, hi my friends. It is really good to be back with you today. It has been quite a while. It's been about eight weeks since my last business episode and I just want to be honest about this pause. So as I reflected on why I stopped for a bit, I realized that it's the perfect thing to talk to you about today and it's a powerful thing. We're actually going to be talking about some concepts of compassion and energy and healing.
and neutral space, which I have been teaching and living these concepts for years. But after living through what I'm about to share with you over the last two years, I realized that today I have something a little deeper to offer. And you know, I really debated about whether or not to share this part of my life, you know, but honestly, this is the real stuff. This is the hard stuff. And if there's one thing I have learned from the last couple of years is that
So many people that I know and don't know are walking through their own versions of it right now. And if my story can give someone out there just a little bit of hope for another day or another season, then it's worth sharing. So I read somewhere that your health doesn't matter until you lose it. And then it's all that matters. And that hit home because my family has lived an incredibly intense season.
what I will call the hardest season of our lives. So in the last two years, four of my family members were diagnosed with cancer. Two have unfortunately passed away and two are stable, but they're living in that strange kind of in between where they're hopeful, but uncertain and they don't want to think too far ahead and they don't know what their future holds, but they're trying to live, but it's still really hard.
And because of this beautiful business that I have and the clients, the amazing clients I serve, I was able to set things down. And I set down a lot of things in the last couple of years. I set down a lot of plans about my business, a lot of future progression. It just kind of stopped it. And I did what I absolutely had to and I spent my time where it mattered most. And that was actually helping a lot of my family members. So, you know, that's one of the blessings of this work.
Amy Bradley Radford (03:33.263)
I've always wanted a business that could travel with me and thank heavens I actually had one that could with my coaching business, but I spent in total six months living in a different town, out of hotels and hospital rooms and ICUs, practically moving into the ICU with my younger sister who had a brain tumor that was removed and then ended up with seven surgeries in total in that year of 2024 due to complications and infections.
And it was hard. That was a really hard time for me. And it was kind of one of those things where you just kept going. You just, the next step, and then all of a sudden something would happen again and you just kept going. And it blew my mind that an entire year had passed before we actually found some stability in our lives.
And there were so many moments watching her fight for her life. And I wondered if I would be taking her home to her children or not. And I watched her dig deep, deeper than I thought humanly possible. And I walked that road with her. I was helpless to change any of it, but determined that I would walk beside her every day. And so just to kind of talk about a little bit of...
what else went on in my family. So my mom's sister was diagnosed with gynecological cancer and she fought hard and she went through chemo and it was truly awful, truly awful. And she was so brave, but the cancer took her just two months before my younger sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And then as we were trying to figure out how to help my younger sister the most that we possibly could, my oldest sister, there's five children in my family.
And my younger brother likes to tell people that I'm the middle one, so I'm the middle finger. But my oldest sister's son, and he was my nephew with the kindest soul and most beautiful smile, passed away in January of 2025. He was 27, but had the innocence of a seven-year-old because of autism. And so in May of 2024, he was diagnosed with a stage three tumor in his chest that slowly compressed and suffocated his heart.
Amy Bradley Radford (05:53.101)
and lungs and he did not respond to treatment. His body just would not simply accept the chemo and it was devastating. And it was devastating. And my sister never left his side and since she and my other sister were at hospitals right next door to each other in a different town, four hours away from home, and believe me I'm thankful it was only four, I would walk back and forth between one ICU and the other.
trying to be there and drop off some food or sit and talk or sit and cry. But it was kind of surreal to have both of them there at the same time and to walk the tunnels between the two, the cancer hospital and the university hospital and try and help in any way that I possibly could. And then two weeks after we buried my nephew, just two weeks, my sister-in-law who carries the bruchagine and was already taking some preventative steps, she'd had
full hysterectomy and had a scheduled double mastectomy, she had that mastectomy and the tissue was sent to the lab, which is a standard protocol, and they found a very small tumor of triple negative breast cancer. So she went through chemo and honestly folks, after all I've seen with chemo, chemo is the cure that leaves you dead alive. It tries to kill you while you are still alive and you still live through it. it is a
Necessary evil, I think in some ways, is what it is. It's hard to watch somebody go through that. It's hard to watch people go through chemo and radiation like my sister and try and still be a mom and live and balance a checkbook and pay bills and just try and live when you actually feel like you're dying. It's hard to watch people go through that chemo journey.
But my sister-in-law, she's fighting and she's recovering with her husband and three children. Her youngest child is four years old and a holy terror. And if that's not enough, I mean, my sister-in-law's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at the same time and she's recovering. It just seemed like cancer was everywhere. And you know, at this point,
Amy Bradley Radford (08:08.291)
When we have just hit one person after another after another, you my family stopped asking, my gosh, what's next? And we just, we just hunkered down and we took care of each other, hoping that this nightmare would finally stop. And right now I feel like it has, but there's this distrust of the future and what it holds. And, and you know, we look at each other like a firing squad, like, okay, who's next? How could we not? How could we not be like, okay, what, what's going to happen? Because it, it has been quite the challenging season.
for all of us. And there's kind of this permanent shift that's happened. I'm sure anybody who's walked the cancer path has had this, but it's this loss of that simple belief that life is always easy or predictable and you just kind of lose that innocence of life is going to carry on and everything's going to be great and all the holidays are going to be wonderful because it's hard. It's hard when you're in this boat to see all of that.
Every day feels precious and every day is hard. But as my little sister that had the brain tumor says, you know, I'm still here. And that right there says it all. So.
Amy Bradley Radford (09:20.377)
I'm now my sister's guardian. I help her and her two kids navigate life after surgery that has left her living with a traumatic brain injury and probably permanently disabled. And while she's the same beautiful single mom, she can't drive or work and needs help managing her daily life. So I step in when she needs me, which means I come in and I kind of set up her world and orchestrate things and make sure there's
kinds of reminders because her short-term memory doesn't work and we work on every week as it comes and we make as many plans as possible so that she can succeed as much as possible inside her world.
Amy Bradley Radford (10:06.037)
I'm not complaining. I love my family deeply and I will do all that I can for them. But however, you know, my life has forever changed and it looks very different now too. And so I had to pause. That's why I've been gone and ask myself what's truly important? What can I realistically do? What do I need to let go of because I have to and how to balance caregiving with continuing my work and purpose in the things that I love to do.
So in July, I retired from the massage table and my friends, I cried so much over that choice. I spent 32 years at the massage table, but honestly, I couldn't stay at the table. I could either teach and coach and talk to you on this fun little podcast that we have here, or I could work at the table and help my sister. But there's no way I could do it all anymore. So I chose the route I could naturally retire into, retirement meaning
that it could travel with me and I could set it aside and work on it and go back and forth because I don't think I'll ever retire. I love teaching, you know, what it is that I teach in business and massage and...
So I chose this route that I could manage into my world and offering what I have for others for success, making a difference and then being able to keep flexibility in my schedule because my schedule has to stay very flexible. So on top of all of that, I recently finished my first local mentorship in PPS Bodywork Pain Patterns and Solutions, which is my life's work. It's my brainchild. It is something that I know I can't sit down.
And so that was the other reason why I chose to step away from the table was so I could actually teach this particular system. And I put this system together to help the body heal inflammation because we can get people out of pain, but if you can't heal inflammation, then it's just going to keep driving. And so we talk, we learn about healing inflammation by treating the tissue inflammation builds, that scar tissue. And there's a lot more reasons why the body builds scar tissue than just injury.
Amy Bradley Radford (12:17.171)
So I can't wait to share more about this in the new year. That is actually something I really wanted to do. And I hope you all look forward to learning more about healing and inflammation and pain patterns with me at the start of the new year. So my schedule most days, I teach and coach in between doctor's appointments and grocery runs for two or three households. I cook a lot of meals in Triplicate. I cook a lot and I deliver food and I cry.
Amy Bradley Radford (12:49.173)
Sorry.
Amy Bradley Radford (12:54.377)
And I hug everybody close and then I try to help my mom who's lost so much in such a short time. just...
I just moved her next door to my house. A house came available that is handicap accessible and my mom is moving less. She has a lot of health issues. My dad's been gone for eight years and so her health is failing and she needs more help all the time. But can you imagine the heartache of watching your sister, your children and your grandchildren all struggle at once? It's been a lot and it's broke her heart and it's aged her. And you know, when I sit back and I look at all this,
None of this happened to me directly. I've been right there in the trenches in this freaking storm doing what I can, where I can for the people I love.
And it is beyond important, my friends, to focus daily on what we still have instead of what we lost. And you know, I just have to spotlight my husband, who's my rock. And he's a first responder with experience in life-altering trauma. And he gave me the best advice through all of this and stood by my side through all of it. I lived away from him for six months last year.
But he said, honey, I think this is one of those situations where it's best to just take things in stride. You just keep moving forward. Whatever happens, happens. You honestly have no control except over yourself. And you do your best in the moment, and you know it's not.
Amy Bradley Radford (14:36.093)
and you know that it's enough. And true words, truer words have never been spoken. So if you've been wondering where I'm at, wondering where I've been the last couple of months, this is where I've been. I had to finally stop. When the storm has settled, it feels like we've settled, even though we're trepidus a little bit. I finally just kind of took a breath and I cried. I cried a lot and I grieved.
I grieved for people and myself and my career and I had to rest. I really did. I was so tired and I needed to recenter and I had to take some time to start figuring out what our new normal looks like. So I knew what to do next. So I'm back. And obviously I didn't kick the podcast to the curb because honestly,
This is one of my favorite things. I started it in a really hard time. I started it in October of 2024 and just kind of hit our first year even through all of this. And maybe I'm a little softer and hopefully a little more grounded, but I'm ready to talk about something that every single one of us in the massage field will face at some point. And this is where I was in the last couple of months and that's called compassion fatigue and how
neutral space, which is what I really want to talk about today, can help all of us not only recover, but stay steady throughout our careers and lives. And I knew even before my world went into a tailspin that neutral space is the best antidote to compassion, fatigue, and burnout. And living it these last two years has yet again confirmed that truth. So as always, my hope is that what I share will make a difference professionally and perhaps personally, like it has for me.
And so here we go. So when people would call me to check on my family and I, and I became a point of contact because I was steady. I was this steady person and they would call me and they would ask, they'd always ask this question. They say, how are you handling all of this Amy? And my answer was always the same. I would tell them, you know, it's pretty calm in the eye of that hurricane.
Amy Bradley Radford (16:55.293)
And that's where I tried to stay right in the center of that storm and not get caught up in the rest of it. And I'm just practicing keeping my arms and legs inside the right at all times, but I just hold close to that center and I just stay right there. And they would laugh, but it was the truth. And mentally, that's where I tried to live, right in the middle of that calm center. Outside of that was scary, pretty much a shit show. And to be honest, my friends,
but that is what we call neutral space. So before my world and my family's world turned upside down, I already knew neutral space and it was the best thing you could do for compassion, fatigue and burnout. But living through this once again has taught me what it truly means and how important it is even at the massage table. So let's unpack this by starting with a clear picture of what compassion fatigue actually is.
So this term comes from research on healthcare professionals, nurses, doctors, social workers, people who spend their days caring for others. And over time, constantly being around pain, stress, and suffering can drain a person's emotional reserves, leaving them numb or detached. So massage therapists have known this for a long time. We didn't have to have research to tell us that we were getting, you know,
our energy sucked out of us or that we were feeling wiped out or we had nothing more to give, we acknowledge it. And we try to work around it energetically. You talk about people who, you know, clear their space and all that kind of stuff, but we still suffer from it. And often it gets harder the more we get depleted. It's like our, you know, protective shields power down and then wham, all of a sudden, all of the energy gets sucked out of us. And all of you know exactly what I'm talking about. And our work is a little different because it's built on physical
and emotional closeness. Clients lie on our tables and share not only their muscle pain, but their life pain. I have often said we need to go through some counseling classes to be able to be a massage therapist because people share so much with us because they are with us for a prolonged period of time in a room that feels private and closed and it's almost like counseling. And so they share all kinds of things with us. Grief, fear,
Amy Bradley Radford (19:20.211)
overwhelm, stress, we know it all. While we're working with their bodies, their emotions and stories, they run right alongside their hands. So even when we try and stay neutral, we feel this tension, we feel their sadness, their energy. It's part of what makes us good therapists. We're empathetic, we're tuned in, we're connected. But without mental and emotional tools to protect our space and energy, that same empathy can start to hurt us.
And so that's where neutral space becomes not just a concept, but a survival skill, just like it's been for me for these last two years. So let me ask you a few questions to feel, to kind of feel around the edges of this with you. And I want you to think about this for yourself. So where or when do you stop giving? What does that feel like in your body? What is the boundary of giving? Where is the space that allows you to keep helping people for years without losing yourself?
And you know, when people ask me how I've been a therapist for as many years as I have, this is a huge part of how I've managed to stay in this field for so long is when I learned how to be neutral at the table. Up until that point, I was way too invested. And we're actually going to talk a little bit about how to take a step back and trust that your work is enough.
and how to let go of this control that we sometimes have. It's a very interesting place when we get really invested with the outcome of our clients. But we're gonna talk about how to understand what those boundaries actually feel like. And my hope is that you'll be able to do massage for a lot longer than even I did. But it is one of the things that helped me stay in this career was learning how to let go. Because honestly, I'm a giver. I mean, gosh, I'm a giver. I want to help.
a lot and I'll give and give and give until I have nothing left and I'll collapse in utter exhaustion and then I'll flat line in life and then turn around and get my energy back and then I'll turn around and do it again if I'm not vigilant, if I'm not paying attention to myself and constantly checking and engaging where I'm at with my giving. So where does give meet balance? How do we know we gave enough to make a difference for others and we're still okay?
Amy Bradley Radford (21:40.837)
And you know, the answer is on the flip side. Where there is give, there is also take. It's emotional physics. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. So where do giving and take meet in a way that protects both people? That place exists. And that place is what we call neutral space, where you don't give more than you can, and the person doesn't take more than they need. And I'm gonna take it one step further with you, the therapist, and the giver, because...
In the end, it's our responsibility to control that exchange at the table. And when we stop, we stop that taking by not over giving or forcing an outcome. And I'm gonna repeat that to you. You stop the taking by not over giving or forcing an outcome. If you're offering a safe, respectful, comfortable place to rest and rejuvenate with skilled touch,
the opportunity to heal, is that enough? Or does the outcome become something you start to demand for yourself? Is your identity attached to that outcome? Mine was for a while. So I'm absolutely positive that for some of you, your identity is attached to the outcome. If that client isn't experiencing enough of whatever, whatever it is, do you take on the responsibility of making sure that whatever happens? Like pain management, if you...
If your skills aren't getting someone out of enough pain, even though the client's not doing their homework or taking care of themselves or eating well or any of those things, they're not taking care of themselves, but you take it on you that it's your responsibility to get them out of pain and you keep pushing harder and harder and harder, this is what I'm talking about. How much do you give? Or do you offer what you know you can and then allow what will happen to happen?
So at the end of the day, you need to check in. Do you feel balanced, drained, or even anxious from touching people? Because these feelings all mean something. One is ease, one is over giving, and one is overtaking, trying to control the outcomes. Anxiety, leaving your table practice for the day with a lot of anxiety is because you tried to control a lot of what was going on at that table. And what I've learned about neutral space is that
Amy Bradley Radford (24:04.414)
But it is the presence of you while holding space for another. It's being truly grounded and centered in a way that allows you to be fully present without absorbing someone else's story or their pain. So this neutral space, this place of being present but not absorbing what was going on with either of my sisters, this is where I lived in those hospitals and treatment rooms and all of that damn hard stuff.
Neutral space was where I could hear clearly, absorb information correctly, help my family the best. Staying neutral helped them more than anything because I was steady and it helped me avoid getting like ill or sick or overreacting and then being depleted. It stopped all of those things. And yes, I had emotions and I still do, but I could respond to them in a very healthy way.
And I knew when I needed quiet and a break to find my footing again. I would have to walk away from the hospital and take some time for myself and then come back. I didn't force myself to stay in a head space that was not beneficial to either of those people. And I'm not perfect at neutral space, but I've practiced long enough to notice when I'm out of balance and then how to come back to that neutral place again.
So when we lose neutrality, we begin to identify too deeply with someone's suffering. Believe me, it was my sister's. It was my sister. I could identify pretty deeply with that, but I had to stay neutral. And then we start to try to carry their problems rather than just walk beside them. And you know, the thing about it is you can't do it for them. You can't step in their shoes and be the person that has the surgery instead of them. And you can't...
take their pain away and take it on yourself. You just can't. You cannot. But what you can do is be with them every step of the way. So care crosses an invisible line. And that invisible line, for those of us at the table working with clients, that's where compassion fatigue begins, is when care crosses over that invisible line and we try to carry it instead of walk beside them. So at the table, you know,
Amy Bradley Radford (26:23.708)
That feeling of neutral, losing that feeling of neutral can look like leaving certain sessions very heavy or even on the verge of tears. And this usually happened to me after I'd worked on too many people in a row. I had seen six or seven people in one day and that last appointment I was literally on the verge of tears because I didn't have any more to give and I wasn't listening to myself. And then as the more tired you get, the more drained you get,
the more you can't control that state of neutral and then people start really taking a lot of your energy. Or we've talked about this before, dreading appointments, not because of the client, but because of how drained you feel after working on that client. Or feeling like your well of caring is gone. You still show up, but your heart feels very far away from it. You dream about other jobs, leaving this one and going and working for the bank or being a Walmart greeter. I mean, all of those things.
All of those things are telling you not only burnout, but that you're done, you can't give anymore. And for us, for massage therapists, we get to a place where we don't want to touch anybody anymore. We even go home and don't want to touch people. And we're done, because it's just costing too much from us. Just don't touch me for a while. That's another sign that you have crossed that giving line. And then I think the number one thing, and...
If you've had any time at the table, you are going to identify with this really clearly and that is noticing that your ability to make a difference, your effectiveness starts dropping. The positive outcomes or the treatment outcomes that you want to see are harder to reach even though you might be trying more because you just can't care in the way that you did because it's dried up. That care has been drained.
It's not that we stop caring, it's that we care past the point of our reserves. And compassion fatigue is not failure. It's the byproduct of caring deeply without staying grounded in that safe, neutral space, that eye of the hurricane. And you can still care deeply, cared immensely for my family. You just can't sacrifice yourself. You have to make sure you stay in that place.
Amy Bradley Radford (28:44.23)
where you can have enough and be enough and it doesn't deplete you and you can continue to move forward for years. So when I teach about neutral space, I describe it as this invisible container that allows healing to happen through us, not from us. Healing never comes from forcing an outcome. It comes from simply being present and allowing it to happen. And yes, many of us call ourselves healer. I call myself a healer.
even though some people kind of cringe at that word. But here's the truth, this is what I think healers. A healer is someone who facilitates and creates the conditions for the body to heal itself. Let me say that again. We facilitate or create the conditions for the body to heal itself. That's what it means to be a healer. I'm not healing someone, I'm creating the space so the body can go in and do it itself.
And the minute we force that action, it steals from our energy or it will steal from the client's energy as well. Now that we've named compassion fatigue and we've also named neutral space, here's why I believe massage therapists are very vulnerable to this compassion fatigue. Number one is where else do you go that someone touches your body for an hour or 90 minutes or two hours with basically not stopping? Where else do you go in the world
where another person touches you that long. That constant touch is hard to manage. It is an energetic exchange. If I'm touching someone, they're touching me. That's just how it goes. don't always think of it that way, but it's the truth. If I'm touching you, then you're touching me. It might be your back that's touching me, but my hand is touching you and your back is touching me. And we do it for hours with minimal loss of contact. Who else does that?
If you aren't grounded in your head and you don't have this place of neutral that you can operate out of and you're touching multiple people in a day, you will get depleted. It's not because you're failing, it's because it's predictable. So the other reason I think that massage therapists are particularly vulnerable to this is that talking, that talking, talking, talking, the emotional exposure that we get from our clients. So our clients will talk.
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and they will release stress and grief and trauma and we're right there physically touching them, emotionally listening, energetically communicating with them all while they're talking. And we become a witness to their story. Most of us weren't trained to listen neutrally. We bring our personal coping strategies into a professional setting. And this is where, you when we talk about boundaries, this adoption of ethics.
adopting those things, bringing them into our belief structure. We don't always have an ethical background in our professional settings. So a lot of times when things are emotional, we tend to go to our personal coping mechanisms and our personal boundaries in our professional setting. And then we get involved and we don't know how to back up. We don't know how to take a step back. And that's where I think
this place right here and we get into these habits and behaviors with specific clients. Once they've shared with us, there's a connection. There's a connection with them and they come in for their next appointment and they kind of pick up where they left off and we get involved in their stories. And so that is a hard place to stay neutral. But I also know that you can have people come in and they can talk and talk and talk and you can just walk with them in that.
in that session. You don't have to have an opinion. You don't have to get invested. You don't have to get involved. You can be there for them and allow their body and their mind and their emotions to sit, to just sit with their feelings and you continue to touch them and do your work. It's actually very powerful if you can take a step back and watch it.
And then there is always this drive to fix because we're helpers, massage therapists, if you ask somebody why they get into massage therapy, they say because I want to help people. We love to help. That's why we chose this field. But when we believe we're responsible for someone else's healing, when we carry what isn't ours, when we take on too much, that belief alone can drain your spirit. So neutral space helps all of these things at your table. It teaches that
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True healing happens in allowing and not forcing. And when you come to a session and you're neutral, you bring curiosity instead of control. You replace, I'm gonna fix this to let's just allow this tissue to soften and just pay attention to what their body tells me. And you can stay grounded and you can breathe and you can stay present instead of tying your identity into this outcome. And you know people, because I've been involved in pain management for so many years, I...
am telling you my story right here. I'm telling you about how I have quit doing massage because it was exhausting. Well, it wasn't physically exhausting, it was emotionally exhausting because it took me a while to figure out how to walk into a massage room, be professional, stay neutral, allow the body to do what it needs to do, have communication, have discussions.
and be able to manage all of those pieces while I was doing massage. It took me a while, but when I got the hang of it and I learned to stay neutral, then I could do massage for days on end and I wasn't tired. My body didn't get depleted. I didn't have all of this pain from being at the table because I was paying attention to myself. And now I know what some of you are thinking, because I thought the same thing.
I am very invested in my clients healing journey. I want to find answers for them. I want them to get better. And there's a fine line between me trying to force the outcome and me coming to the table with curiosity and allowing the body to do what it's going to do. And that is what we're going to talk about next is control versus allowing. And there is this natural urge to control the outcome of our work.
They're absolute. mean, we take classes to enhance our skills and make us better and push us to new levels of treatment or ways to work with the human body. We do all of that because we really want to better ourselves and better the experience for our clients. But when we start to control, have to have control of what's going on, that's when things start getting a little dicey.
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And it all starts from a good place. Pride in our skills, joy in seeing change, wanting wins for every one of our clients, which isn't going to happen. But when change doesn't happen, we try harder and then harder and then harder. And we take those courses to find answers for one or two people. I can't tell you how many times I've taught classes and that therapist was there for an answer from one client who was just, they couldn't figure out how to make this person better. And they needed to take a step back.
And the other thing we do when we try to control is we work past the scheduled end time. You we have time contracts with our clients and we work past that when enough change hasn't happened by the end of that session. And we overbook the week because people call this and they just need some help. And we bend our policies and then we give discounts and we squeeze people in. Sound familiar? And it looks like helping more, but in reality, you help less.
The more you push yourself, the more depleted you get, and in that depleted space, you produce less results because you are so worn out. The more you leave neutral space and try to make it happen, the faster you drain and the less impact you have. Even as you give more, it ends up being the opposite of what you intended. And here's what years of fatigue and near burnout showed me. When I helped steady to...
allowing the body to do what it needed, and I gave my best from a state of neutral, outcomes were often better than expected. And there's a deep trust that you learn to lean into when you're neutral. And when I stayed neutral and things weren't progressing, I could actually see clearly what was in front of me. If a client needed referral to another modality or medical care, I could recognize that and act. And so being neutral made me more accurate
clinically and much more healthy emotionally. When I got too close and I tried harder and harder, I wasn't actually looking at what was in front of me because all I could see was the problem instead of to take a step back and see what was best for the client as a whole. So the next time you start to feel this tug of war inside a session, I want you to just take a deep breath and then ask yourself, am I walking with them or am I forcing a reaction?
Amy Bradley Radford (38:11.525)
And if you feel like you're pushing into this, then I want you to take a step back and allow. Just take a deep breath and just allow the tissue to tell you what's next. And you will be surprised how the energy of that whole session will shift. Your client will even walk out of that session and go, wow, I don't know what changed partway through, but I feel so much better. And that's because you allowed the body to do what it needed to. You facilitated a place.
where it could heal itself instead of forcing that reaction because you wanted something to happen. So now that you kind of get a felt sense of neutral space, let's kind of create a framework for practicing it consistently. So I say there are seven elements of holding space and we're gonna go through each one of these seven. And the first one is just be present. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be productive. You are just there.
The second thing is you need to listen to understand, not respond. And this is basic listening skills. I would listen to what people would say and I didn't have to say anything back other than, it's that letting the person just express and not having to fix their problems or come up with an answer. The third one is unconditional positive regard. Basically what this means is
regardless of where the person is in their life or who they are, what they've done or anything, you just honor them as a human being, the client's humanity. And I've often used this phrase of hold them with two hands instead of pointing with one finger, meaning that you do not have an opinion about what's going on with them, their body, their world. You are just there to walk this hour with them and offer them the opportunity to heal and their body can accept it or they can accept
And then you have to learn to sit with what is, which means discomfort doesn't require a rescue. You don't have to rescue this person from whatever is going on in their world. You can just be there in whatever it is. And this is the place I sat with in surgery number five and six with my sister going, you know what, I don't have to rescue her, I can't. I can't change any of this, but I can sit here with her.
Amy Bradley Radford (40:33.189)
I can make sure that I'm an advocate for her care. I can make sure that all of her needs are met that I can meet and I can do whatever I can and I can just sit and hold her hand. I don't have to rescue her from this situation and we don't have to talk that way. We just can sit with it because it is what it is. So let's take a deep breath and move to the next step. And that's all you have to do with your clients. You just have to be with them. And then my favorite one.
and I've mentioned this word lots through podcasts, is allow. And I believe that true healing work comes through allowing, not forcing, not pushing, not harder, not more, but allow. And healing always happens with permission, not pressure. And breathing, your breath is your boundary. Anytime you find yourself holding your breath or you're not,
deeply breathing, you are not working out of state of neutral. You are pushing, are forcing, and breathing is your boundary. And when you can't breathe, you take a step back and take a deep breath and reground, which is our seventh one. Come back to center as often as needed. And there were days, literally, honestly days, and sometimes hours, when I would, even at my massage table or this experience over the last two years, I would just drop my shoulders.
Literally, like shake my head and drop my, like I'm doing right now as I'm talking to you, just drop my shoulders and breathe. And physically let go of the what ifs, the what is, and the what has been, and I would just breathe. And then I would do what I can. Because all I can do is all I can do. And doing more from depletion, that helps no one. So neutral doesn't mean distance, it means steady. Neutral doesn't mean indifferent.
It means steady. And it says, care and I am centered and I am here. So, you know, I've talked a lot about burnout on this podcast, but I want you to know that there's a difference between burnout and compassion fatigue. Because I know, and they a lot of times play together. Because when you start to lose control of your business or your clients or all of the things, then you start to experience burnout. But then burnout can tip into compassion fatigue because we don't have healthy boundaries.
Amy Bradley Radford (42:54.801)
Burnout, if you were to give it a definition, really that's about systems and schedules wearing you down. Too many hours, too little rest, too many responsibilities, too many things being shoved aside, too much procrastination, all of the things. That's burnout. Compassion fatigue is when you are no longer neutral. And empathy turns into ownership. And we stop holding space and start forcing outcomes or abandoning our healthy boundaries because we want something to happen for somebody.
and we start forcing. So neutral space does not make you numb. It allows all of this love and peace to coexist with pain, knowing that you don't have to fix it. You're just there. So even living from center, the weight can still catch up. So understanding neutral space really helped me walk through this path with my family members in the last couple of years, but...
my sister finally stabilized and I realized I was empty. Even though I had tried really hard to stay in this place, I was completely empty. And I had given every ounce of energy and even staying centered, I was exhausted. And you know what the giveaway was for me? It's so interesting. That year that I spent in hospitals around sick people, I never got sick, never even got a cold, not even a sniffle.
And when I started to feel drained, I immediately got sick and I got really sick. And that was me realizing that I wasn't okay. Even though I was trying really hard to stay stable in that eye of the hurricane, I had finally collapsed and I was so tired. And this hit me about August. And so I stepped away from everything. I stopped recording, I stopped posting, I stopped emailing.
I stopped pushing sounds familiar, right? I even stopped social media because it was driving me crazy and I rested and I would get up and I would sit in my hot tub in the morning and I would read a book and drink my coffee and I would cry and I would sleep and I would I got massages and I went to some counseling and I let others hold space for me because I asked for help because I couldn't hold it together.
Amy Bradley Radford (45:11.419)
And you know what, people, that pause was so needed. And it reminded me that neutrality isn't a, it's not a permanent state. It's a practice. And sometimes we step out of it. And the most loving thing we can do for ourselves is to pause and breathe and then come back and just stop for a minute. And if you think you can't stop, you're wrong. We all can stop. We can all set things down. None of you left. None of you went away. You're all there when I came back. You know, business is such a funny thing sometimes. We don't think we can actually stop.
But the reality of it is you can. You can take a breath and then you can come back. So if you've been the strong one for everybody else, I want you to hear me. You are allowed to stop. You're allowed to be cared for. Your business won't fall apart. Your house might get messy and you might eat mac and cheese instead of broccoli. But that's okay. And I'm okay. And regardless of what the future holds, you know when it's all gonna be okay. So in closing, compassion fatigue isn't weakness.
This is an invitation to come back to balance. That's why I said this is the most perfect thing to talk about right now because I think there's lots of my listeners out there that needed to hear this just as much as the experience I went through. And you know, I know deeply that neutral space is how we get back into balance. It's how we keep serving without losing ourselves and how we let compassion flow through us instead of from us.
Here you go, before your next client, take a deep breath. You're roll those shoulders. You're gonna drop the weight of the world off of them and tell yourself, I am grounded. I am in the eye of that hurricane. I am neutral. And I am simply going to hold space for this person and just allow it to be whatever it's going to be. I wanna thank you for letting me share my story and my heart with you today. It actually kind of heals me a little bit. I feel more honest about...
the place that I've come from in the last couple of years when my listeners kind of know what's behind it all. I can't pretend. I can't pretend that everything's fine. I can't. But I sure can keep moving forward, and that's exactly what I want each of you to do with me. And I hope that our conversation reminds you that you're not alone and that healing flows in both directions and that that calm center, that I of the hurricane is always there for you.
Amy Bradley Radford (47:36.163)
So until next time, my friends, take care of yourself and find your neutral.
Amy Bradley Radford (47:50.843)
Thank you for listening. For more information about classes, products, or coaching, go to amybradleyradford.com. And if you've liked what you've heard, please subscribe and leave us a review.
